Intertwined: the heart, the mind, the soul

"There are seasons where we need to remind our body where our true life lies. Whether our appetite is for food, entertainment, or even other people, the wilderness experience reminds us that we were created for more than just consumption."

I always have this craving, and it's not for God... well that's not completely true. I do crave Him quite frequently. But that is not what I am talking about in regards to the quote above. What I am talking about is my craving for someone. I have no clue who they are. I crave my future partner in life, my life long best friend, someone to grow in Christ with. It's something that I have always wanted and craved. Marriage for me, I look at it as something amazing. It is something that God created to display the way Jesus loves the church (His people). But don't take me as someone with rose-colored glasses on when I dream of marriage. Trust me, I know marriage is hard work. Sometimes it has more downs than ups.

...Despite this craving for companionship, I am yet again reminded by God that I was created for more than just consumption of these mere life induced things.

Ever since God set upon my heart to end a 2 year relationship (that was almost to engagement), I have realized just how much He needs me to pay attention to Him. It broke my heart to leave what I had and who I had... and it has taken me literally months and months to let it all go. And I might even still admit to myself that I haven't let it all go. I am not sure if I ever will. That person meant so much to me... however, they meant too much which meant that when they failed as that important source of happiness in my life, it brought devastation and disappointment upon me. That is not healthy and not correct, huh? It wasn't how it should be and God showed me that and He is proceeding to show me that.

For the most part, it's pretty much just God and I right now, and let me tell you that He is constantly having to patiently wait for me to look back at Him and keep looking upon Him. It is incredibly difficult to keep my mind, heart, soul, and eyes on Him though. For so long I was set in the mindset of marriage and now I am having to DRAG myself away from that image. I can't help looking and wondering, "Will I meet him today God? Is that him right there? He seems really great Lord, maybe that's him?" I cannot get myself to veer from those thoughts... but I know it's necessary. It's the whole reason why God isn't allowing me to get close to anyone... or for matter of fact, no is getting close to me. Maybe it's just me but I can usually tell when someone wants to spend time with me or is interested in me, but lately it's been so silent. I know it's God. He is telling me, "Stop craving, stop worrying. I have it all taken care of. All you need to do is fall in love with Me first and have it stay that way. No one can complete you like I can."

Maybe it's the hopeless romantic in me that wants someone, or maybe it's just nice to feel wanted. Who knows. All I know is that I need to stop saying "should" and I need to just surrender those thoughts when ever I think them or feel them. God has my life...

....this is all easier said than done.