The Slacker is Finally Done Slacking, Therefore: UPDATE!!

Hello all!! First, I am terribly sorry. I promised a few entries a week and I went to none, how lame of me right? Well I'll try to catch you up on a few things.

Ministry:

It's going great! I am currently immersed in it and couldn't be happier! I am teaching two HS girls Bible studies at the moment and the topic is on how to become a woman of faith. So far the girls are really liking it and it's been really applicable to their lives. One of my girls is a VB recruit for OSU (go Beavs!) and just tore her ACL among other various things. She is a Senior and was scheduled to graduate early and go to Oregon State in the Spring to play but now that is postponed and her recovery is going to be a long journey. This past week, in our bible study, we talked about doubt and how to approach it when it comes to our faith. It really applied to her situation and what she had been feeling. The thing I love about God is that He always knows. In that hour and a half, He reassured and comforted her in ways I could never do. I know that this time is temporary for her and God has a plan in this, sometimes it's just hard to see it at first and we have to remember how He has been faithful before and will be faithful again and again.

We also started our series for Seniors called Sticky Faith, which is to help them figure out how to make their relationship with Christ their own and have it stick when they go to college. I definitely know that there was a period of time in college where following Christ was difficult (He never said it would be easy, we just think it will be) and I just wanted to walk away from it. But God stuck with me and because I immersed myself in fellowship with other Christians and trusted God through the hardest moments, I carried my faith with me all through those 4 years. I have amazing people in my life to thank for that and of course, an amazing God who never gives up on me. One thing we did at Sticky Faith, was make a list of what we think makes a "good Christian". Matt didn't tell me what we were teaching that night so I made a lengthy list and felt pretty good about it. However, what I realized was that the list was total crap. Yes, doing all the things such as going to church, worship, attending Bible study, etc are great things but it isn't Jesus+, it's just Jesus. God didn't choose to save us through our works but through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, His Son. We then crumpled up our lists and threw them in a fire pit outside. It felt freeing and I know the kids felt that too. 

One thing that I am working on is this event called Trunk or Treat. It's the church's way of having a Halloween party but a lot more awesome! Basically, besides fun games, prizes, dressing up and candy, people sign up to decorate the trunks of their cars and kids go around and trick or treat at them. I guess, from the pictures, people take this pretty seriously. Apparently last year someone made the back of their trunk into a dragon with full on dry ice and everything. Pretty neat! I am a little nervous about how it's all going to pan out (with me being the one planning it) but I think it will be alright! 

Lastly, on Sundays, Matt has started a series with the kids called God Quest. It's a series by Sean McDowell and it explores the facts and reasons behind Christianity and takes you on a quest yourself to find out if Christianity is something you can believe in. So far, the kids have been super responsive to it and seem to enjoy learning about all of the different aspects of the faith. 

Adventures and Happenings:

The other weekend I went back to Corvallis for my sister's bridal shower. It was so much fun and I had a blast seeing my sisters and just getting to catch up. Corrie is getting married in two weeks and I just cannot believe it! It's crazy but oh so good! We all had a fabulous time celebrating her and the upcoming wedding nuptials, the shower looked like it came out of Pinterest! It was adorable and very Corrie. Next weekend is the Bachelorette party and then the weekend after that it's wedding time! Speaking of wedding... I need to find a place to get my dress altered... it's on my to-do list...

I also got to see some of my favorite people that I have been missing so much! Alexis (one of my very best friends) helped out with the whole entire shower, snapping pictures, putting tables together, she was such a big help. This girl is like my sister and I love her so much so it made me happy to have her around! 

Later that night I went to a girl's night at my friend Rosie's house and when I walked in I received the greatest greeting I have ever gotten! A bunch of my girlfriends from 2FortyTwo (my college church group) were there and after screaming "AIMEE!", formed a line to each hug me!! I swear, it made me tear up and made me miss them that much more! It was so hard to leave. I miss those gals deeply. 

Another one of my best friends, Erin, came to visit me last week! It was impromptu and wonderful! She had the week off and wanted to come see me, so I took her around town, showed her some sights, got some delicious coffee, went to my core group, ran errands and just enjoyed spending time together. I honestly, don't think I could have made it through my Senior year of high school let alone, college, without her. She keeps it real for me and calls me out on my crap (which is difficult sometimes but is needed). We always have tons of laughter together and she just brings a smile to my face. I love you Erin! Thank you for taking the time to come see me! You made me miss my Corvallis friends that much more!

NEWS:

I GOT A PAID JOB! YAY!!! Most of you might be confused as to why I have another job. Well the internship I am in with the church pays me in room and board therefore I need another job as well to pay for my own expenses. I found a job for a Sales Representative on Craigslist for Anytime Fitness, submitted a resume, went in for an interview, met a coworker and a week later I had a job! It's 10-15 hours a week right now but hopefully it will pick up. Best part is is that it works PERFECTLY with my internship schedule! Now THAT is a total God thing. Praise Jesus!

It's late and that's all I can think of right now but I just had a wonderful weekend and will be posting about it soon! I promise!!!! :) 

I Wish I Could Text God...

Sometimes I wish I could text God. 

In a world of instantaneous responses and immediate gratification, it is difficult to wait upon God for answers and wisdom. I have the hardest time with patience. But in this instance, it's not exactly a lack patience that is the issue... It's the fact that I'm human, it's the fact that I am sinful by fault. 

My flesh is my burden. My mind, thoughts, and dreams trap me in a cage of conflicting feelings and emotions. My istant desire is to seek the answers from others, to find something or someone to dull numb quench satisfy the uproar in my heart - to give it what the flesh wants. What I know of as right and what I know of as wrong fight to the death, to win, until one succumbs to the other. 

I have been walking closely with God for years, but there are days, like today, where I am just yearning for something, longing for an answer, for my questions to be answered. Some days I find myself with a dry heart and a need to be filled. Why do things of our pasts come back up into our minds to haunt us and remind us of how much we enjoyed our sinful desires pain that we conflicted upon ourselves? Pain that lasts and despite how hard we run from those dark times, we still find the red stains on our hands and that discrete but convincingly eery voice whispering ever so quietly: "You miss that... You can have it again with the snap of your fingers. It really wasn't that bad. You will be satisfied if you just allow it to happen."

I can't end this blog post with a verse. I can't leave you with some conclusion on how to fight things like this. I have no answers. I don't know how to put to the side the way I feel or what I am battling. All I know is that I don't have to face it alone. My God is here. He is not going to let me fall. But... if only I could feel that instead of just knowing it...

"I know that you're the One to pull me through."
-DCB

Playin' Catch Up

Oh goodness! I apologize for slacking on posting. I have been quite busy and very tired. Here is what has been happening in pictures lately: from my 23rd birthday to beautiful hikes!

Austy and his family kindly invited Carl and I to Sunriver for the day! Brunch,  bikes, water slides and shaved ice! Thank you Hawkins family for hosting!

Austin stealing my phone, trying to be clever. 

Milly at the big dog park! She loved it!

Dinner out with the house mates and Carl!

Austin and Taryn. Such cuties.

Someone got to go swimming!

The Biggest Lint Bunny I have ever pulled out of the dryer... Disgusting.

Jenny and I. I love this gal! 

Coffee and breakfast at the McKay Cottage with Jenny. SO GOOD!

Playing in a field. She was so happy to be on a hike!

So much love in this picture haha

What a handsome dude! 

Three Finger Jack

Beautiful hike.

And.... someone got a little dirty...

I love him.

Dinner and hot tubbing at the Snider's!

A beautiful birthday spread made possible by my beautiful roommates! Big shout out to Jenny! She  knows how to make a gal feel special!

I...just don't know what to say haha

Birthday sushi!

Again, Jenny is seriously incredibly thoughtful :)

Thank you Vista House for making me feel so special on my birthday!

Port of Subs for lunch. This one is for you, Nate!

Sleepy girl.

Blazing orange sun because of the haze from the fire.

Off on a climb at Mt. Washington! We just wanted to see what she looked like in the pack. Obviously she was uh thrilled?

Whew! That was quite a bit of pictures! I will be posting more about Bend and my adventures soon! 

Letting Go of Past Afflictions

Sometimes you're vulnerable and you don't even realize it. 

Sometimes you are annoyed and you're not sure why.

Sometimes you start to cry with no reason in sight.

That was me today. 

I am not sure what caused my day to tumble forward into an hour and a half cry with Carl but it ended there. It started with me walking in the door after Youth Group tonight and immediately finding things that annoyed me. After silence, slow conversation and stubbornness from me, he got me to open up. I knew all the reasons as to why I was annoyed were stupid and he knew it too but still wanted to listen. And as he genuinely listened, the conversation started to change from what I found wrong with him to what was truly going on inside of me. He asked me to list out, in order, of what brought me to this point today. I listed. After I listed, I stared at the floor, eyes blurring and a whimpering frown plastered on my face. Then the floodgates opened and it was all over. All I could say was "What is wrong with me?" Carl proceeded to tell me that nothing was wrong with me, I was just overwhelmed and had a lot on my plate. He got me tissues, wiped my tears, let me cry and listened empathetically. The crying continued for a while...full of worries about people liking me (or disliking me), not having a paid part time job yet,   being old news, struggling with friendships...

Then I stopped for a little bit and we talked about how people are given different gifts for a reason and that God always has a purpose for us. 

Then I started crying weeping about something that I haven't taken the time to recover from fully: me giving up music. I asked Carl why I was such a failure and why I gave it up. He couldn't answer that for me, which I understood. Some of you may not know my story about my music path.

----

 Long story short, I was in the top two choirs all four years of high school, went to several competitions and elite singing programs, received a scholarship for vocal performance in college, was well known in my department and then gave it all up. I failed music theory my first term of college, got a C in piano, couldn't handle the competition and most of all... I lost my confidence in who I was as a singer. I hated what I was doing because it was draining my passion for music and making it into something that I nitpicked at everyday until I told myself that I was never going to be good enough. So I quit, gave up my scholarship, disappointed both of my vocal coaches and wanted to never step foot in the music building again. I had to ride past it everyday on my bike for the next two years... At first I would get choked up every time I had to ride past it (for a while I took a different route to avoid it). At times you could hear someone singing classical music or playing an instrument from the highest windows of the building, that pushed me further into my deep hole. Eventually, I got diagnosed with clinical depression which I firmly believe was partially induced from quitting. 

----

I don't think I had cried about quitting my passion since I was in counseling... I eventually let myself sing for my college youth group in Corvallis but it took a while for me to want to be up there on stage and even when I did, I was still constantly critiquing myself to the point where if I had messed up, I would dig my nails into my hands while making a fist so that I wouldn't mess up again. At times, I was so obsessed with getting the harmony right, that I would focus on that instead of letting go and praising God for all He is and what He has done for me. 

Carl thinks that he isn't very good at "helping people like I can", but tonight he truly helped me just by asking questions and genuinely listening. He reminded me that God gave me this gift and created me (sensitive personality and all) just the way I was supposed to be. He reminded me that even though there are people more talented than the both of us, that we are unique and have meaning because of God and who He is in us. 

It's funny how sometimes we don't exactly understand or listen when God is speaking to us. Tonight at Youth Group, Matt spoke to the high schoolers about this song called The 6th Day by a Christian rapper named Flame. It was all about how God made us in His image and how He delights in His creation. Part of the chorus is: 

"We were made to know You, meant to behold You//Praise Your holy name//It's the reason we were made//What a good day."

Matt taught about how God loves us exactly how we are and that He wouldn't want to change us because He made us with a purpose. Matt also posed this question: What does it mean to us to be made in His likeness and how can we live like that?

{Gumby and Mr. Snail Rose (the rose is hidden by Gumby)}

We also made "creations" out of PlayDoh at the beginning. After we were done sharing ours and what it meant (mine was Gumby and a snail with a rose bud on its shell...I have no clue why I made those), Matt said we could do whatever we wanted with our creation. I let it sit there for a while, I was proud of my creations and eventually I took a picture. I didn't exactly want to smash it back into a ball of dough but I wanted something to do with my hands so back into a ball it went. Later Matt asked if any of us had kept our creations, no one had expect him. He explained why he kept his creation whole, because he was proud of it and then continued to talk about how that is what God thinks when He sees us.

It's just funny how I sat there and agreed with everything Matt said and helped the kids understand what he was trying to convey yet not even an hour later, I am sobbing over my purpose, failures, and insecurities. 

God is truth and promise. He knows and understands. This is just one of the incredible and immense  truths that He constantly displays:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity..."

- Jeremiah 29:11-14 {NIV}

I may have insecurities, I may not be fully recovered from giving up the path of music four years ago but God is continually teaching and humbling me. I am so far from perfect and I praise Jesus for what He did so that God can love me in the midst of my imperfectness. 

Oh how time flies...

I apologize for not posting since last Tuesday evening. I decided writing one blog a day was a bit much for people to follow so I think what I will do is write about 4 blogs a week so that you can get a jist of what I am up to but aren't overwhelmed by me posting. 

Here is what has happened since then:

Wednesday:

Coffee with Jenny @ Thump-

I have come to realize that bend has incredibly awesome coffee shops. Jenny decided she needed to show me downtown a little and one of her favorite spots so we got coffee at Thump. Thump is this adorable little cafe where every time you visit, you make a wish out of a rectangle piece of wood. They have sharpies and you write/decorate your wish for them to hang from the ceiling. In a way, it's like a Japanese wish tree or how they hang prayers in temples. After getting coffee we walked around and we stepped inside a quaint tea house that is open until 11 pm with free wifi. Not to mention that the smell in there is impeccable! They have all sorts of loose teas lining the walls and you pick which one you want! I will check that place out for sure! Then we stopped by a cute bakery and Jenny bought us some Mt. Bachelor cookies in which we dipped in our coffee. SO GOOD! We chatted for a good hour or so and as I am getting to know her more and more, I am coming to find how incredible she is! I feel like God has put us together in the same house for a reason (and we have tons in common!). I am excited for what lies ahead for our friendship.

Lunch with Carl @ Cafe Yumm-

Next I had lunch with Carl at good ol' Cafe Yumm. Delicious as usual. Let me tell you, it is so nice that we can call each other up now and have lunch dates! Kick that long distance to the curb! We took a short walk on the water front afterwards. The mountains are beautiful here and I feel spoiled that I get to see them everyday!

Impromptu shopping in Old Mill Area-

Since I was there... I couldn't help but look around. Corvallis barely has any shopping so being here makes me a little happy. I went into PacSun and got a zip up and a sweater. The zip up (which is teal, my fav) and was on sale which made the sweater half off! Yay! 

Dinner at Matt & Hillary's-

Matt and Hillary invited Carl and I to dinner for Tex Mex casserole which was tasty! It's been such a blessing getting to know these two. I couldn't have asked for a better boss (Matt) and a better couple to look up to. They are incredibly real and down to Earth plus they make my job so enjoyable.

Youth Group-

My first youth group! It was a lot of fun even though there were only about 12 high schoolers there. We played this game called "Family" which is kind of like "The Game of Things" (which is a hilarious game, go play it). Then Matt talked about how to create a solid foundation in Christ for new school year. A lot of the answers came up with love. The Holy Spirit then moved Matt to share a personal story (that wasn't planned at all) that talked about someone he had a relationship with that didn't start off with love and how that ruined a lot of things between him and the person as well as with other people. Eventually God pulled them back together through a tragic event and God told Matt to have a relationship with the person again but start it with the love God gives. It changed their entire demeanor and the person eventually accepted Christ which is amazing!! The kids seemed really receptive and I hope that they think about these things as they go into a new year.

Thursday:

Coffee with Matt & James at Looney Bean-

Again, amazing coffee shop by the river. Matt got me something called the Velvet Elvis. I am not sure what it was but it was sweet, delicious and came in a beer mug. We then proceeded to talk about meeting together to listen to sermons and topics for the year. One thing Matt shared with us was a passage from the book Erasing Hell by Francis Chan (amazing man). They also showed me how to play cornhole. I am really bad at it. 

Wine Night ("mentor speed dating")-

Well basically Jenny is amazing and once I told her I was wanting a mentor, she went to work! She planned a ladies night a wine cafe called Portellos where about 20 women from the church came to have wine, chat, meet me and hang out with each other. Some knew I was looking for a mentor, some didn't. I had a blast getting to know these Godly women and found two of them I really connected with. I got their numbers and they both have engineers for husbands so they are going to invite Carl and I over sometime for us all to hang out. I feel so fortunate to have this community, let me tell ya! 

Hunger Games and quality time with Carl-

Carl and I really hadn't made time for just the two of us since I got here so we bought some beer/wine and rented the Hunger Games. It was so nice to just be around him. I am incredibly blessed to have someone who loves me, loves God and who always is patient. This man is all I have ever wanted and I am thankful for every day with him. 

Friday:

Road trip back to Corvallis-

My family wanted me to come home this weekend to celebrate my birthday (since my parents won't be here) so off Carl and I went! We decided to take our time and ended up stopping in Sisters at their well known bakery as well as took the scenic route (Mackenzie Pass). I got the yummiest donut at the bakery! It was devils food cake... it melted in my mouth. Go get one if you ever are able! You won't be sorry! 

The scenic route was longer but beautiful! We stopped by some lava fields where there was a view point at the top of this man made structure. It was windy but breath taking. We enjoyed taking in the sights! (And so did Milly!)

Friday evening, we went to dinner at Carl's parent's house (which is always wonderful!) and got to visit with his parents, Scott and Alfonc. They feel like a second family to me, I always love hanging out with them.

Saturday:

Saturday I spent the morning/afternoon with my parents are the farmers market, had lunch at Cloud & Kelleys and ran some errands. Then we went home to prepare for my birthday BBQ. Most of my family was there (I missed you Christensen family!!), Carl's parents and Alfonc came as well as one of my best friends Erin. It was so fun getting to spend quality time with everyone! I received the cutest red Fossil bag with an SB gift card from Carl's parents, a solar powered flower from Er (she has one too so we can be twins!), candy + money from Ev and Cor, and Milly getting her hair cut + money from mom and dad. I have come to realize that as you get older, you tend to ask for more practical things... like a hair cut for your dog. It's like $60 so I was happy to have someone else pay for it! :) Milly seems happy too. 

Saturday night, Carl and I drove back to Bend so I could be here for church on Sunday (since I work on Sunday's with the high schoolers). The drive is long but it's actually really pleasant because that's close to 3 hours that I get to spend with my love, just chatting about life or holding his hand. It's nice uninterrupted quality time (which is his love language so it works out!). 

WHEW! That was a lot! I'll make sure to break it up next time. 

The more I start this process of a new chapter, the more I realize how truly blessed I am. I still don't know how or why God decides to bless me but He does. Maybe it's His unconditional love? I believe that that could be it. He gives me grace and mercy despite how I act or feel. But don't mistake God for a big softy who isn't to be feared. God is big, and I mean BIG. He isn't to be taken lightly and neither are His commandments. He is just, merciful and all loving. He is just... amazing. I am incredibly thankful for the life, friends, family and opportunities He gives me. I just pray that I can only bring Him joy by fulfilling what He has called me to do.

Below are some recent pictures. I hope everyone had a great weekend!!

{Resting on the hammock in the back
yard playing with Milly}

{Having some good Jesus time in the sun.}

{Everyone in the house loves Milly! And she loves
 her new cuddle friends too! Haha oh James...}

{View from stopping point at the lava fields.}

{Taking the scenic route home.}

{Pointing us home on the compass! So cute.}

{Love this goof ball.}  

{Biggest moon ever on our way home
on Saturday! God is incredible.}