Anxiety. Anticipation. Excitement. Nervous.
These are just four of the many emotions I am feeling currently. If you don't know, I am moving to Bend for at least a year. God has blessed me with an amazing opportunity to be a high school ministry leader for young girls at a church called Compass. It's a part time internship with free room and board (which is a blessing in itself) and I get to live in a community house of believers who are also interns and work at the church.
Some background about the church is that it started about 10 years ago. Compass describes itself as a Bible-believing, Christian, non-denominational church. About half of the church are people who are still trying to figure out God and the Bible and want clear answers. The other half are Christians who genuinely want to "live" their faith, get out of the stands and into the game, dig into the Bible with a passion to learn, and watch God work in them and through them. This is refreshing news and is very exciting to think about being a part of!
However, what is finally hitting me is that this is the last time I'm going to live in my parents house... maybe the last time I am going to live in Corvallis. Such bittersweet thoughts. I am beyond thankful and excited for what God has planned ahead of me but fearful of the future. I have never lived away from my family. Sure I have lived outside of my parents house (my mother likes to remind me often that I have moved out of their house and back in about 5 times...), but never in a different city. I know Bend holds such adventure and growth for me but I'll admit it, I am a bit terrified. I cried about three times yesterday. Mostly from feeling alone this week while packing and the other just realizing that I'll be the furthest sister out of all my siblings. I won't get to have spontaneous sleep overs with my best friend Alexis or call up a friend from church for a quick coffee. I'm leaving behind my mentors, my friends, family and comfort. But God calls us to be UN-comfortable so I guess that's what I will be doing, going to a new place to grow and be stretched.
I am excited about not being in a long distance relationship though. After six months, I am ready to be in the same town. God has blessed me with such a great guy. :)
This morning, while spending time with God, I was reading about how God never leaves me or forsakes me. He knit me in my mother's womb and knows my heart. Therefore, He knows my worries and anxieties as well as my desires and longings.
In Psalm 139, David clearly states how God knows us:
"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down' you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely."
-Psalm 139:1-4 NIV
God knew how I was going to feel today and gave me comfort before I even knew I needed it. What an awesome God we have. I may get anxious, worry about big decisions and want to hold my past too tightly in my hands but... I can take comfort in knowing that He has read me and knows my needs before I even know them myself.
That is an incredible truth.
However, what is finally hitting me is that this is the last time I'm going to live in my parents house... maybe the last time I am going to live in Corvallis. Such bittersweet thoughts. I am beyond thankful and excited for what God has planned ahead of me but fearful of the future. I have never lived away from my family. Sure I have lived outside of my parents house (my mother likes to remind me often that I have moved out of their house and back in about 5 times...), but never in a different city. I know Bend holds such adventure and growth for me but I'll admit it, I am a bit terrified. I cried about three times yesterday. Mostly from feeling alone this week while packing and the other just realizing that I'll be the furthest sister out of all my siblings. I won't get to have spontaneous sleep overs with my best friend Alexis or call up a friend from church for a quick coffee. I'm leaving behind my mentors, my friends, family and comfort. But God calls us to be UN-comfortable so I guess that's what I will be doing, going to a new place to grow and be stretched.
I am excited about not being in a long distance relationship though. After six months, I am ready to be in the same town. God has blessed me with such a great guy. :)
This morning, while spending time with God, I was reading about how God never leaves me or forsakes me. He knit me in my mother's womb and knows my heart. Therefore, He knows my worries and anxieties as well as my desires and longings.
In Psalm 139, David clearly states how God knows us:
"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down' you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely."
-Psalm 139:1-4 NIV
God knew how I was going to feel today and gave me comfort before I even knew I needed it. What an awesome God we have. I may get anxious, worry about big decisions and want to hold my past too tightly in my hands but... I can take comfort in knowing that He has read me and knows my needs before I even know them myself.
That is an incredible truth.
Wonderful, Aimee. I love your heart and your honesty. I'm excited that you've chosen to move away to a place that I so frequently visit! We will have to stay in touch for sure!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wish I would have know that you were feeling lonely this week - I would have loved to come be with you and help you pack - I've been bored and alone as well.
Have a wonderful move! I can't wait to come visit you!
Love!
Aimee.
ReplyDeleteI've always loved your spirit and honest sweet heart. I've enjoyed knowing you.You are strong and good luck in your ventures .Learn lots and love plenty!
Love. Heather Jackson )