It's been almost five months in Bend now... and I love my new home. It's still difficult to say that sometimes though because I do get home sick at time, especially when it comes to friends and family.
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| {My beautiful mother and I before Christmas Eve service} |
Carl and I go home at least once a month (it was more than that when Corrie was getting married) and each time I am home is like crawling into a warm bed when your little toes are frozen from the chilly Bend weather. Every time, without fail, my mother is ecstatic when I walk through the door. "My baby!" are the first words I hear as she embraces me while trying not to get emotional, and I welcome those words with open arms. It makes feel like I've just come back from a far away country where I have been residing for years. After repeating "It's so good to have you home!" several times, she always says "When are you moving home?". I wish I could tell her a time frame but I can't. I don't know if I want to move back.
While I'm home, I always make sure that I have time to catch up with at least a few friends. A tradition of a few friends of mine is to get together, watch Digimon (we are nerds), laugh and have some tasty beverages. Ever since I moved, the question is always posed to me by them: "When are you coming home?! We miss you! Move back!" And in that moment, I wish I could move back. I don't have a lot of friends in Bend my age and since I half grew up in Corvallis/went to college there, I feel like I have people to run errands with, vent to and fellowship.
However, if I have realized anything over the years of losing relationships, moving and change, it's that my life is not my own, it's God's. When the Lord presented the opportunity of continuing ministry work over here in Bend, I hesitated. I questioned Him: "Lord, are you sure you want me to continue in ministry work? Am I cut out for it? I thought you were going to give me a period of rest." The Holy Spirit tugged and tugged on my heart though to make this change. Yes, Carl (my boyfriend) lives in Bend but wouldn't God want me in a full time position (preferably a non-profit), using my degree? Well, funny thing is that I did get a "full time position with a non-profit" but what I particularly envisioned wasn't exactly what I was lead into. Well what I came to find is that working in a church ministry, with high school girls, is A FULL TIME JOB! Okay maybe it's only meant (on paper) to be a part time position and maybe it doesn't pay (in the sense of money) but it's a life long ministry. What I mean by that is God has called each and every one of us to invest in relationships. Meaningful relationships last a lifetime, maybe not physically a lifetime, but their impact can make an entire difference in someone's life, even if the person isn't around anymore.
It's funny how we think we know what is best for us, we have a "vision" for our lives and plans. The Lord knows our heart, desires, our dreams and will bless us with those... we just have to be willing to see how those things appear to us especially if they don't look the way we thought they would. Blessings in disguise.
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| {Craig, Austin and Josh trying to convince me to stay in Corvallis one weekend visit} |
However, if I have realized anything over the years of losing relationships, moving and change, it's that my life is not my own, it's God's. When the Lord presented the opportunity of continuing ministry work over here in Bend, I hesitated. I questioned Him: "Lord, are you sure you want me to continue in ministry work? Am I cut out for it? I thought you were going to give me a period of rest." The Holy Spirit tugged and tugged on my heart though to make this change. Yes, Carl (my boyfriend) lives in Bend but wouldn't God want me in a full time position (preferably a non-profit), using my degree? Well, funny thing is that I did get a "full time position with a non-profit" but what I particularly envisioned wasn't exactly what I was lead into. Well what I came to find is that working in a church ministry, with high school girls, is A FULL TIME JOB! Okay maybe it's only meant (on paper) to be a part time position and maybe it doesn't pay (in the sense of money) but it's a life long ministry. What I mean by that is God has called each and every one of us to invest in relationships. Meaningful relationships last a lifetime, maybe not physically a lifetime, but their impact can make an entire difference in someone's life, even if the person isn't around anymore.
It's funny how we think we know what is best for us, we have a "vision" for our lives and plans. The Lord knows our heart, desires, our dreams and will bless us with those... we just have to be willing to see how those things appear to us especially if they don't look the way we thought they would. Blessings in disguise.
Good to know you're still alive! =) I really like (and totally agree with) what you said about meaningful relationships lasting a lifetime, even if it's not physically a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteOh my girl, my beautiful friend. We will always want you to come "home" and be with us, because your presence changes our hearts and your friendship opens our eyes. Being with you, spending time sharing life with you is authentic and priceless. We can't help but be selfish! But your home is there too. Those girls have opened up to you, that church values the work of your hands. I know that there has been so much change and so much craziness in your days lately but I am thankful that God is holding on to you. I am ecstatic that wherever we go and whatever we do and whomever we encounter he is holding our hand. I am proud of your boldness to move, change, and try something new. Listening to the new journey he asked you to drive into. Its making an impact, he's work is moving in and moving through. So thank you for being you, coming home to visit, and sacrificing parts of your life to walk side by side with those you may not have spent a lifetime getting to know.
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